Horizons magazine is published by Presbyterian Women (PW) the national women’s organization of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).
Issue link: http://horizons.epubxp.com/i/623149
January/February 2016 37 R e cently I read an article about a woman in New York who's started marketing herself as a rent-a-mom. For roughly $40 an hour, young people who need advice or a sounding board can have a stand-in maternal figure. This new startup reminded me of my "older lady" friends who'd never think to charge me (I hope!) for our mutually beneficial friendships. Soon after I read the article, I got a text from a former boss, a woman my mom's age. Now that she's no longer my boss, Nancy's my friend. I don't think of Nancy as a substitute for my mother, even when I ask for a recommendation for a book or a pedicure place or how to best negotiate with our landlord about snow removal. In high school and college, my rela- tionships with older women were more like mentorships. As I got older, and then got a job in the Mid-Atlantic where my most frequent collaborator was a woman my dad's age, the rela- tionships shifted to something differ- ent. For a while, I joked that that colleague was my East Coast mom, but that wasn't really an accurate descrip- tion. She was my friend; we learned from and supported each other. She just happened to be older than I was. When I served on PW's Church- wide Coordinating Team as the repre- sentative from the National Network of Presbyterian College Women, I was surrounded by women many years older than I. It took nearly the whole length of my term for all of us to learn that just because I was the age of their daughters (and granddaughters) didn't mean I was their daughter or granddaughter. We could work together as colleagues and eventually as friends without con- stantly pointing out that I could be their child. I was as guilty of doing it as they were—maybe because I missed my mother and maybe because I was learning how to be confident as a young adult. Here's what my relationships with older women have become: a gift. In my first job, my colleague taught me, first, how to do the task at hand and, second, how to dream bigger, try harder and trust myself more than I had ever dared. The women I met through the CCT taught me how to speak up for myself and for others, how to greet the stranger and maintain relationships across the continent, and how to use my skills and talents in the service of others. There isn't room enough on these pages to describe the impact of the friendships I've made at my church, n ow that I've settled halfway across the country from my mother. At my church we talk about the congregation as a family. The women of my church have taught me new ways to be a sister, daughter, aunt and friend. I think churches are the per- fect place to foster real relation- ships among women across generations. Where else do we hope that relationships will sus- tain an organization and its members for many generations? We all have something to share—a part of ourselves that we may or may not share with our families, some piece of our minds and spirits that we want to grow. I strive to be a gift to my older lady friends, too, to give them as much love and support as I receive from them. My older lady friends are quick to remind me of the most important things. "I'm not your mom," my friend Nancy says. "And don't call me old." Hillary Moses Mohaupt is an elder at Hanover Church in Wilmington, Delaware. s t o r i e s f r o m t h e a g e s Women of Certain Ages t t t BY HILLARY MOSES MOHAUPT Author Hillary Moses Mohaupt (left) counts women of many ages as friends, including Susan Stone (center) and Nancy Werner. Photo courtesy of Hillary Moses Mohaupt