Horizons Sample

NOV-DEC 2011

Horizons magazine is published by Presbyterian Women (PW) the national women’s organization of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).

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In that moment on the beach, my 25-year-old Dana was still laughing—in the water way above her knees—and I was scooping up sand and letting the grains pour out between my fingers. I thought of a photograph of my mother: she was a toddler at the beach, standing in the arms of her mother. With this mem- ory, I found myself wondering about the generational pattern of mothers, daughters and ocean waves. In my mind, it was a scene so poignant that if it had been a movie, I would have whipped out my guitar and sung the old Birds song, "To everything (turn, turn, turn), there is a season (turn, turn, turn)," while the sun sank peacefully behind the edge of the ocean. Only it was foggy. And the mid- dle of the afternoon. And I had left my guitar at home. And I would have needed my reading glasses to see the music anyway. Now What? The point is that much has changed. My daughters are grown now. They no longer need me to guard them from undertows or drive them to school. The huge, overwhelming, life-eating task of raising children is now, more or less, done—has been done for a while, really. While sitting on that beach, I realized that I could continue to sit there, watching my daughter have all the fun, or I could summon the courage and energy to stand and find my own set of waves, my own adventures. But accepting that high-involve- ment parenting is over is not easy. It leads directly to the always unsettling question: now what? If I could go anywhere and do anything, what would I want to do? What can I do? What should I do? These are not idle questions to be answered someday, like they appeared to be when I was in my twenties and my life seemed to stretch out before me without limit. Someday is now much closer than it used to be. There's something about getting the first AARP mem- bership solicitation letter that sounds a lot like the call for last round. "The fact that life has a bound- ary," Greg Love, professor of system- atic theology at San Francisco Theological Seminary, said at a recent conference, "gets us off the couch, because there is clearly a time limit. Without death, we'd never get anything done because there's always another tomorrow. It reminds us that there's only so much time, so we need to use it." All these thoughts during my afternoon on the beach brought to mind recent conversations with other women at similar points in life. I found it helpful to recall what other women are doing with this period of "only so much time." Answering the Now What Question? Sonnie Swentson-Forbes, who is 59 years old and lives in the Los Ange- les area with her wife, is very aware that life stretches out for only so long.* Now a ten-year colon cancer survivor, she was told that the dis- covery of the cancer was days away from being too late. "There were no symptoms," she says, until one night when it became clear she needed to go to the emergency room. That visit led to diagnosis and surgery within hours of admission. "Things that used to be important to me now seem more trivial. I spend my time doing things that are meaning- ful and add value. I want to say that I did something that was worthy." For Sonnie, this new life focus involves volunteer service on the boards of several organizations that advocate for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people. She also enjoys laying down some serious smoked barbecue for church dinners and family picnics. While Sonnie volunteers as an advocate, her wife, Melinda, is still employed. "We're talking about life after retirement," Sonnie says. "Melinda and I are in the financial planning stage right now. We're looking forward to her joining me in retirement. We want to travel, to play golf, to live in a less stressful kind of way." Cynthia Jo, who is single and lives in San Francisco, retired in January 1997. Now 71 years old, she was slowed only a bit by a broken foot on a recent mission trip to China. She has traveled on six other mission trips since retirement, including one with PW to help rebuild homes in New Orleans. When she's in town, she volunteers at the Cameron House, offering food to elderly Asian immigrants who do not qualify for food stamps or Supplemental Secu- rity Income. "I like the flexibility of time now," the former supervisory chemist says of her life after retire- ment. "Now I can go unlock the door to the church basement if that's what needs to happen . . . I have been such a fireball," Cynthia says. "I've been high up on the social-justice bandwagon, I've done the work. If I've done a decent job, then other folks should carry on. If we don't serve others, life has little meaning." Arlene Gordon retired two years ago from her work as presbytery executive ofTropical Florida Pres- bytery. Now deeply immersed in various projects for the PC(USA)— from renewing the African Ameri- can Presbyterian Church directory to serving as co-leader of an November/December 2011 11

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